What do you say when you talk to yourself?
There was a time in our culture, not too long ago, when admitting that you had conversations with yourself would have had the people around you thinking about sticking you in a mental ward. We’ve come a long way since then, but how much do we really understand this process of Self-Talk in our lives? Many of us have gotten a good laugh at the old Saturday Night Live character Stuart Smalley and his positive affirmations, “I’m Good Enough, I’m Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me!” But how many of us truly understand the effect that our subconscious self-talk has in every area of our life, and what methods we can use to effectively change it in order to stop self-sabotaging ourselves and be empowered to achieve our desires?
In the last 25 years, I have had the opportunity to work with literally tens of thousands of people directly, and several million through my business, appearances, and speaking opportunities. I have seen firsthand how the destructive nature of negative self talk can take a talented, bright human being full of potential and leave them in despair and depression, drowning in limiting beliefs. Fortunately, I have studied and perfected ways to identify, correct, and overcome these limiting beliefs, not only for myself in my own life, but to empower countless others to do the same. As one variation on the adage goes, “As we think, so we become”. There is a powerful truth to this don’t you think (no pun intended)? Missing this point is one of the greatest hurdles to achieving true success and happiness in our lives.
So, when you speak to yourself, what do you say? This is a difficult question for many of us to answer. The difficulty arises out of the fact that most people do not direct their thoughts at all. Too often our minds run like old tape recorders, or badly programmed computers, just spitting out information that is out of date, created by someone else, and certainly not in alignment with where we would like to be in our lives. When you listen to those messages in your head, who is it that is speaking? If you trace those thoughts back, thoughts of unworthiness, laziness, foolishness, stupidity, not being good enough, or having to always be the best no matter what, or the smartest, or the best looking, or the funniest, where do they come from? What you’ll realize is that these thoughts, this inner talk, comes from those we have had around us in the past; Parents, Teachers, Coaches, Family, Friends, Peers, etc… While these statements were usually intended to be well meaning and protect us, they were nevertheless imbued with the limitations and beliefs of those who conditioned us with them. Think about it, one sentence thoughtlessly spoken twenty years ago can plant a mental tree that grows into a massive issue that we seemingly cannot overcome, holds us captive and powerless and actually ends up shaping our Identity and Values!
In my own journey of personal development, I have discovered, designed, and utilized many tools and resources (and purposely placed them at my command) to Consciously Create the What, How, and even the Why of my thought processes and Internal Dialogue. Using tools like Directed Imagination, NLP, and EFT, as well consciously designing and creating a laser focus on my Beliefs, Values, Purpose, and Identity, I have been able to Create the life I choose to have, and live the life I choose to lead. When YOU get clear on where YOU desire to be in YOUR Financial, Physical, Emotional, and Relational states, YOU become the Architect of YOUR Destiny. Whether you want to be a Millionaire, a great Artist, a professional Athlete, an incredible life changing Teacher, or the best Mom or Dad your children could possibly have, doing just these few things, and committing to taking action with them daily in your life, you will Achieve them!
You see, when I committed to my passion and mission in life, which is to help people to see the unlimited inner greatness that’s inside all of us and to support others in using it to create the life of their dreams, it became part of who I am. Using the tools I have learned, and am now sharing and teaching to others to use in their own lives, it has become Anchored in my Identity. You could no more separate that from who I am, than the love I have for family and friends. This is the power of developing the Mastery Mindset, no matter what it is in your life that you choose to master. I think a great place to start is with those little voices we have inside our heads. Once you are the Master of your thoughts, YOU become the Master of YOUR Destiny.
So what do you say to yourself continually? Take a few minutes and really think about the consistent conversations that are going on in your mind. Identify at least 3 or 4 recurring thoughts and try to work it back to the source, who is the person who started saying these things to you? Trace it back to its root and then ask yourself “Is this really true? Is this really serving me today? Does it empower me to achieve my goals in life?” And if not, “Why should I keep this as a part of who I am?” And as you decide to change this self-talk replace it with the positive opposite of the thought, belief or cliché.
DO YOURSELF A FAVOR… think about what is some of the self-talk going through your head and post some comments on this page so I can help you through this and make positive immediate change in your life. I’ll answer everyone back who posts some examples of their self-talk and I’ll do a FREE Teleseminar to show you how you can change your self-talk to have it be in service to YOU, instead of you being a slave to it.
Think about it NOW and POST YOUR COMMENTS and we’ll be talking soon!
Carlos, what a great question you ask in this blog….What do we tell ourselves on a regular basis ???
most definitely, the person we talk the most to in our life is ourselves, both consciously and subconsciously. It is also said that the person we have the most influence with is ourselves…no wonder it’s so crucially important to be fully aware of these internal conversations, understand their meaning and effect and replace those that are not empowering us to our ultimate potential with ones that do. And the beautiful thing is that we have complete control of that process!!
Thanks Carlos for sharing your wisdom, alighting so many people around the world to a higher self and raising their believe so that thay can achieve anything they truly focus on.
One of the struggles that I have is the thoughts that go on inside my head that tell me that I’ll never be good enough to achieve any bit of success. “People don’t want to associate with me” is a thought that enters my head. It’s not true. What can i do when the thought presents itself?
Byrne, we all have those thoughts of doubt which stem from all the times when we were young and those people we looked upon for support, love and validation told us we weren’t good enough. Now they might not have said “you’re not good enough” in so many words but by their actions or implied statements we interpreted that meaning. You should understand that you are a child of God and deserving of all the good this universe has to offer. Keep coming to look at the posts regularly and do the exercises I recommend and you will transform your life guaranteed!
Raul, You’re absolutely correct, we do talk to ourselves more than any other person on the planet. Our subconscious conversations fill our minds and truly govern the direction of our lives. Only by becoming aware of what this self-talk is and directing it towards what we desire can we truly be congruent and get our mind working for us to produce what we desire to achieve our highest vision and dreams in life!
When I sit down and genuinely think about the many thoughts going on through my head I’m overwhelmed as to how many of them make me feel limited. Although a part of me believes that I am destined and more than capable of achieving big dreams there is still a crippling voice that manages to many times convince me that I won’t be able to figure things out. It is an anxious bad habit I learned from my environment and am finding great difficulty in overcoming. I don’t know where to begin.
Don’t feel bad (I know that’s easier said than done but…) its a conditioned response that had become habitual over time. The key is to observe your inner speech and sort of catch yourself speaking to yourself and notice what you’re saying. Don’t judge, just observe without criticizing or condemning yourself and choose the thought of what you truly desire instead. This will be part of what I’ll be teaching in the FREE Teleseminar so … stay tuned!!!
Carlos, for the last 30+ years of my life I had been constantly searching ways to improve myself in all different aspects of my life, reading personal development books, attending motivational seminars, actively involved in the field of sales and all of this had made me realize that if I don’t change my personal conversation, my every second self-talk the programming implanted by my parents, educators, priests, friends and family I would not achieve the results that I wants, So; thanks to all the anchors and techniques that I had learn in the last few months by attending your seminars I am FINALLY LISTENING TO MY INNER SELF, I am finally fighting this internal battle, I am finally able to visualize the lifestyle that I had been searching for so Long, I am now able to catch myself and analyze it, Mickey Mouse and Pinocchio have become my best friends (Sorry mom, ha,ha, ha,) I deeply feel that I am in the right track. I look forward to your Self-Talk Seminar please continue empowering the human race, your Identity Seminar was VERY EXPERIENTIAL it help me to LEARN TO LISTEN TO MY THOUGTS and direct MY SELF-TALK.
Edgar, Keep up the good fight, although it’s not a fight at all, just keep your focus on what you desire and occupy the vision and the feeling of your desires fulfilled. Use the strategies we’ve practiced in the Mastery seminars to release the negative beliefs and energy blocks and continue to create to life on purpose. I’m proud of you and all the tremendous progress you’ve made. I can’t wait to welcome you into the Millionaire’s Club!
Hello Carlos, hope all is well. Everyday I say to myself, I am, I can and I am powerful beyond measures. After your seminars, I have been giving advice to many people about changing their mindsets to the point that I amaze myself on the powerful words that come out of my mouth unexpectantly, on a constant flow and automatically. Yet, I feel Im not living my potential. Could it be that I’m expecting too fast or am I still missing some things?
Best,
Mariluz
Marilu, As you progress on your journey to your ultimate life of passion you will begin to feel more consistently like you’re living closer to your potential. One word of warning though is, as you’re working on yourself to make these success habits automatic you still need to protect your new mindset. We can all tend to be exuberant about our newfound state of mind and start trying to help everyone around us. The problem is many of them don’t really want it and they can suck your energy and positive outlook. So the main thing is be consistent. Do your assignments every morning, before bedtime and throughout the day as often as possible to create the new self-talk that will become automatic over time (the same as our negative self-talk was automatic in the past). Keep up the good work and your dreams will all come true! God bless… C
I have been told by others that I can talk and get along well with others, but when you break it down I feel nervous talking to people. The things that I want to say just don’t come out right or come out at all. I know what I want to say Its just nothing comes out or shall I say I draw a blank and say something totally different….When you look at it its all me
Rich, I fully understand how you feel… that used to be me as well. The bottom line was that I was self-conscious because I really wanted people to like me. The key was and is this… when you take your focus off of yourself (and how you are being perceived) and focus on the other person, their needs and what you can say or do to help them improve the quality of their life (even if its just making them smile or laugh) you’ll be amazed at how you’ll automatically start saying the right things and being a “great conversationalist”. You may still get the butterflies before speaking to people but once you get centered and focused on them it will naturally fall into place. And always remember that the cure for fear is “do the thing you fear and the fear will disappear” because fear is only False Evidence Appearing Real… God bless! C
A comment that has left a lasting meaning in my life that shouldn’t have was said to me mid summer when I was four going on five years old. I had played first base for little league and my father told me I didn’t need a cup and supporter. He was right until one day, I was asked to switch and play shortstop. They pitched underhand but on that day, our pitcher had learned how to throw a fast-ball underhand. You all know where this is going.
A low line drive at the angle where I didn’t know which way to hold the mitt, up or down. I ended up making the catch, I just didn’t use the mitt to stop the ball. At four years old, my dad came charging out, the coaches came out, the kids, all the people in the bleachers kept hushing and saying “poor kid, how unlucky…” All while the coaches wanted to take my pants off, take a look and ice things!
My father was mad because I didn’t catch the ball right, while I was writhing in a pain that to this day has no equal. He pulled me out of little league and told me how “unlucky” I was.
I didn’t know then that those messages would linger much longer than the pain ever did. Today, decades later, I hear myself affirming my luck or bad luck whenever something doesn’t work out as expected: work, relationships, the lottery and even low flying line drives.
I went through the exercises as you prescribed Carlos, and I was stupefied that I discovered how, a meaningless and long ago, immature reaction to circumstances was the root of my “unlucky” self dialogue.
I was able to unload a pointless self belief in minutes using the techniques that took years to fortify. I’ll be honest, I blocked the memory of the incident. In fact, I could barely remember what happened. However, I didn’t just recall the reactions and the spectators gasping, I let that horrible feeling live with me without knowing why or being able to use it for anything constructive.
So, even though I thought I didn’t deserve the right equipment and felt I got tough breaks because I was unlucky, I choose to forgive myself, love myself, respect myself and not allow this past experience to make me feel unlucky. I am very lucky, having a great family of my own with kids that don’t want to play baseball and they live life knowing how lucky we all are.
Thanks Carlos, that made alot of sense and its always great and assuring to have your advice. I dont want my good energy sucked from me because it feels too good to be in this state of mind, so I will keep quiet for now until I’m ready for the world or the world ready for me lol! I have to tell you that I feel truly blessed to have come across you and Cecy because I feel that you guys are the righteous path that is slowly but surely guiding me to my journey of success and life of abundance!
May God bless you both and your family now and always,
Mariluz
Al, Isn’t it amazing how little things like that can affect us all of our lives. Now imagine the worst part, those people who don’t know what you now know and worse yet don’t have the tools to take charge of their lives and design it on purpose like you are doing! Keep up the great work, I’m really proud of you, YOU ARE VERY LUCKY and are going to be one heck of a huge success story! God bless, C
Marilu, You keep it up girl, don’t let anybody suck your energy, rock your boat or steal your dreams. You’re making phenomenal progress towards your dreams and Cecy and I are both very proud of you. God bless, C
I have recently discovered how much I do talk to myself. I also realized I do it with language. I wanted to take a break from all of this chatter and tried to not talk to myself for a few minutes. This was really challenging. I discovered the only way I could accomplish this was to just feel about my incoming thoughts think of them. As I tried this, the results were very interesting. The feeling I get from this when I do it is quiet and peaceful. Anyway, I am enjoying your site and wanted to give you this short observation on this very important subject.
Marc, That’s a great practice to get into the habit of doing. You are observing your thoughts and when you do that the mind quiets down and becomes peaceful. The more you practice that, the more you can direct your thoughts on purpose and the more you will be able to create your desires consciously! Best always, Carlos